"I always fake my orgasms if I'm with a guy who's pressuring me to come. Or if the guy is going to freak because I can't come through intercourse. The fact is, I just can't come with my vagina, no matter how hard I try, I guess I'm abnormal, huh. If they expect me to then I fake it. Some guys just can't handle the idea of their dick not giving me an orgasm, so faking it makes things easier."
comment came from a survey asking women whether they faked their orgasms,
and why they did it. It seems that the troubling issue of faking orgasm
remains a big issue, even in the new millenium.
It would seem that many women continue to be misinformed about their own sexuality, and men continue to short change both themselves and their partners by remaining ignorant about what constitutes good sex.
The social norm is still penetrative sex to male orgasm (often in the missionary position). However this method of sex was proven by Masters and Johnston to be unsatisfying to the vast majority of women.
Almost all teenage boys seem to grow up believing that women will receive pleasure from intercourse alone, and the media (whether pornography, films or books) does little to dispel this myth. Many young couples begin their sexual careers expecting to achieve fulfilment without understanding this basic difference between men and women.
When the expected female orgasm doesn't arrive, women step in and fake it.
As is the case with the quote above, faking is often used to maintain the male ego. This is because society - particularly the male oriented society found in porn and men's magazines - insists that "real men" can satisfy a woman through intercourse alone, and an inability to do this will reflect on his manhood.
Unfortunately all of this results in unhappiness for women, and blissful ignorance for men. The fact remains that the clitoris is the first source of pleasure for the vast majority of women, and neglecting it will inevitably lead to unsatisfying sex for the woman.
Communication is the key. Women need to overcome any shyness they may have, or any concern that they may hurt the man's feelings, and simply tell him. Just explain why she started faking and then tell him how to do it properly. In the end, a man can learn how to manually massage a woman to orgasm, and this will fuel his ego incredibly.
For centuries women have been taught that they weren't supposed to feel pleasure; taught by Freud that the clitoris resulted in "immature orgasms"; taught that they should achieve orgasm through penetration alone. Indeed, this idea resulted in 19th Century women receiving medically sanctioned orgasms (called 'Hysterical paroxysms") from the doctor after lack of sexual fulfilment led to physical illness.
In the 21st Century, women should feel at home with their sexuality, and should assert it in the bedroom. They shouldn't be afraid to educate men about their bodies and their needs. If they don't, who will?
Ladies, it's time to stop faking orgasm! Learn to have real ones - take up masturbating. We can recommend heaps of great women's sites to help you get there. Click here for a huge list of women's erotica sites!
article is also available at Ebony
Still Faking Orgasm?
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I recommend Dr Betty Dodson's guide to masturbation called Sex for One. This book is devoted to self loving in all its forms. Dr Dodson was a feminist in the 70's who pioneered many great techniques for helping women achieve orgasm. Betty has also made a video on the same topic, called Self Loving. This film steps inside one of Betty's workshops where 10 women explore their sexuality. Celebrating Orgasm - Women's Private Selfloving Sessions is in a similar vein.
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